Nikola Tesla Telephones to Mars

Tinkle, tinkle! “Hello stars,
Please connect me up with Mars.
Hello, Marsy, howdy-do,
How’s the weather suiting you?
Beastly doings here on Earth,
Wish I’d known you ’fore my birth!
Tell you what, I’d be there now —
Do there some day, anyhow!
Say, old man, I wish you’d tip
Me on how to cure the grip —
Got it in my feet and head —
Cure me and I’m yours — nuf sed!
Any pretty girls up there —
Yellow eyes and purple hair,
Strumming on a sweet guitar?
‘Little Earth, how bright you are!’
How about the treats, old boy?
Any skating to enjoy?
’S’pose you’re much too close to Solly,
Tho’ to have much ice — it’s jolly!
What! you haven’t any girls!
Politicians, bums or earls,
Grip or comic supplements;
Beer or farming implements!
You have no Ontario Parks,
No Klondikes nor any larks?
Haven’t any fire? I’ll bet
Then, you have no cigarette!
No, I thank you, not today;
Guess on this old sod I’ll stay.
Couldn’t live without my girl,
Ring off, Marsy, it’s your whirl.”