The War by Death Beam

Dr. Nikola Tesla has perfected a death ray capable of killing an army at 200 miles. The next war will evidently be a job for a good electrician.

But imagine a famous victory being gummed up by battery trouble!

Famous slogans and war cries will need revising. “We have met the enemy and he has been wired for sound!”. “Don’t give up the beam!” “I propose to fight it out on this line if it takes all the juice in the power houses!” “One if by C and two if by B batteries!”

“Don’t press the button until you see the whites of their eyes!” “Damn the insulated uniforms, throw the switch!” “My right is hard pressed, my left is weakened, my center is being worn down; I shall ask for more current!”

Fancy the situation in the event of an invasion. A neighbor calls up and says, “A foreign foe has landed on our soil.”
“Not really!” you exclaim.
“Yes sir, and it’s a big force.”
“Well, you’d better call up Washington and notify the Electrical Department.”

“Hello, is this Washington? Well, a foreign army has just landed and I thought you’d like to know.”
“An army landed on American soil! Didn’t it see those signs?”
“What signs?”
“‘Danger, 100,000 Volts.’”
“Oh, it saw the signs all right, but it isn’t afraid.”
“Why not?”
“Shock troops!”

“Is that so? Well, we’ll show ’em watts watt.”
“It will be a costly war. Have you plenty of dough?”
“No, but we’ve got plenty of ray.”

“By the way, we’ll need a good theme song for this war.”
“Oh, that’s all right. The War Department has one. It was written by the General Electric Company.”
“What’s the name of it?”
“Amps, amps, amps, the boys are marching!”