Dr. Tesla

When Tesla gets his battery, and winks the other eye,
The man who gets his treatment, sir, will never, never die.
No matter what his ills may be, or whence or how they come —
This man will cure a fever or reset a broken thumb.

He'll gently jar your liver when its labors it would shirk;
He'll exercise your muscles and relieve you from all work;
He'll freshen up your tissue and renew the worn-out parts;
He'll give you health and vigor with his mystifying arts.

He'll renovate your system with a half a dozen sparks;
He'll brighten your complexion in the morning after "larks;"
He'll keep you always healthy, and, though dangers may be rife,

You're safe, because, if dying, he could shock you back to life.

— Chicago Evening Post.