Telephone Cure for Fatness

“Pseudo science?” said Nikola Tesla at a dinner of electricians, apropos of an electrical cure for old age.

“To a layman,” Mr. Tesla resumed, “such a cure sounds reasonable. But to a scientist it is as ridiculous as the telephone cure for corpulence.

“You have heard of that? No?

“Well, Herbert Heavy, weighing 285 pounds, decided to reduce electrically. He wrapped a coil of copper wire round his waist, connected it with the telephone apparatus, and, sure enough began at once to grow lighter at the rate of several pounds a minute.

“ ‘This is a grand scheme,’ chuckled Heavy, pulling out the waist band of his trousers, which was already a foot too big for his waist.

“Then suddenly, the telephone bell rang.

“ ‘Is that Herbert Heavy?’ a gruff voice asked.

“ ‘Yes,’ was the reply.

“ ‘Well this is the exchange,’ snapped the voice. ‘Will you please stop frying scrapple with the telephone wires? Our office is all full of nasty fat.’ ”